Itty Bitty Titty Pride

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I swear to God, I haven’t forgotten about the 30 Days Of Kink meme! I’m…just savoring the experience.

Lies. I totally forgot. I’ll finish it, though!

Last week, the universe/my dryer decided to destroy all but one of my bras. Padding was torn out, underwire was poking out everywhere, hooks were mangled…seriously, I have no idea what happened. No more putting bras in the dryer, I guess. (Next time I’ll actually listen to my mother when she tries to domesticate me!) This presented me with several different possible solutions. One: I could go out and spend anywhere from $50 to $100 replacing the damn things. I’d been thinking of replacing the old ones anyway. Or, two: I could make do with camisoles and undershirts. Ultimately, I went with the second choice, and here’s why…

Once upon a time, many years ago, I had really big boobs. I was hovering somewhere around a 36C. I didn’t really care if my breasts were big because I was overweight – I had big boobs, and I liked ’em just fine, thanks very much. Once I hit my senior year, things began to change. My breasts began to shrink. I didn’t really notice until my then-girlfriend, who’d never seen my 36C’s, pointed out that I wouldn’t have to bind my chest for a cosplay, since “my breasts weren’t that big to begin with.” What the fuck?

I ran to the mirror, and assessed my chest. She was right. My breasts were considerably smaller – apparently when I lose weight, I lose it from my chest first. Huh.

At first, I was really disappointed. I didn’t think that my body was very sexy, and my breasts were something I could take pride in. Once I realized that my size had gone down to a steady 34A, I began to reconsider. Thewe were the breasts that I had, post-weight loss. I didn’t want to gain the weight back, so I had to work with what I had.

I pampered my little chest. I pierced my nipple, and found smaller bras that somehow magic-ed up some cleavage. I felt good. I felt sexy. And then the dryer ate my bras. L gracefully pointed out that buying new bras was kind of a waste, because “your boobs don’t really move, baby.” So, for the past week, I’ve been braless.

At first, it was kind of scary. Our society really puts a lot of emphasis on bras. I’ve been wearing ’em since I was in the 3rd grade, and to suddenly be without was…really weird for me. The first day, I picked out an outfit, complete with a camisole…and then hid it all underneath a sweatshirt. I’ve been peeling back layer after layer for the past few days, and today I just had a thermal with a tank top underneath. Now that I’m used to it, it feels pretty good – very liberating, very freeing.

I had to put a bra on yesterday to work out – the only “sexy” bra that had survived the dryer. Before this week, it had been an incredibly comfortable piece of clothing. Now, it felt constricting and uncomfortable. It used to push my breasts up, give me cleavage, make me feel sexy. Now, my chest felt constricted and hidden. Do my nipples sometimes stiffen up from the cold? Oh yes they do. It’s a little embarrassing, but for now, I can just cover them with my coat. Do boys and men stare? Indeed they do. At first it was uncomfortable, but I’ve learned to find a little exhibitionistic thrill from the stares. (Maybe a little more than a “little” thrill…?)

Don’t get me wrong – I love bras. I think they’re pretty, and when you find the perfect bra for your body, it feels quite lovely. I’m keeping the bras that I’ve still got, plus my sports bras, which I use as informal binders. But at this point in time, I don’t really see the need to go back to wearing a bra every day. Going without has made me feel every bit as sexy, confident, and feminine as my sexiest lingerie ever did.

~ Sai

3 responses »

  1. *Loved* this post. Like I told you on Fet, I’m a 36 B, and, most of the time, since I’m just working around the house anyway, I don’t bother wearing a bra…but, put me out in public braless? I flip out. Like you said, I’ve been having to wear them for so long, that being without them seems really scary and awkward…so, I wear one, even if it’s uncomfortable and horrid…

    But, I loved your description at the end, of people staring and the thrill you get from it, and how sexy it can be…and, that made me think…I feel like I need to try braless-in-public more often….^_^

  2. Pingback: The Bra Conundrum « A Martian's Love

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